Mine is a journey of love…a journey of the heart.
I heard the call as a child and would feel close to it’s source in story, fairytales, imagination, and play. It would be stirred up in such movies as The Neverending story, Hook, Goonies, and Labyrinth. As I lived from that place of imagination, believing that in them was a truth to be found in my own life…namely adventure, miracles and a story for greater good… I felt the arrows of those who not only didn’t believe but opposed such thinking. There is a hatred in varying degrees from such people. Little did I know this was a reflection of a greater truth and reality.
I would hear this call growing up and as I put away my belief in fairytales a deep thirst developed. I tried to quench my thirst from various sources, often in dark places. So I then set off in search of adventure.
It was then I actually did find the source of the call and for a moment all my hopes and dreams of what I once believed came flooding back and overwhelmed me with pure joy.
But it wasn’t to last…
I had been given a map but along with it directions…the WRONG directions!
I ended up in a place called Vanity Fair. I not only purchased it’s curiosities (which, let me clarify, were in themselves good things)… community service, religious seminars, evangelism… but I sold them too. Such was my passion…my thirst!
But, the thirst remained…
…as did the call. That constant still small voice.
Not only that , both were becoming more intense. The call stronger.
I wasn’t aware of it but I was the victim of an ‘anaesthetised heart‘. I tried quenching the thirst with duty. That, I was wrongly told week after week, was the living water I needed. In order to be a Christian I had to perform my duties as one.
Nevertheless, deep in my heart I knew something wasn’t right.
The Leap Of Faith
Eventually, I was faced with a choice. Ignore the directions I had been given, take the map, heed the call and…
…take a daring leap of faith!
To remain where I was would be to remain among the slain and it would mean my own eventual death.
So I took the leap of faith into the sacred romance. This leap of faith included leaving the institutional church.
However, as I began to get my sense of direction I soon went through the process of all my layers of FALSE SELF being removed. It was the dark night of the soul. But I just knew it was a necessary process. So I stopped trying to fight it and…
After that the pain of it eased.
In time I witnessed the daring leap and journeys of others. One in particular struck a chord in me. She seemed to have guides placed all along her path. I envied that.
I realized I needed a guide at this particular junction of my journey. I had so many questions.
So I prayed.
And God answered.
It was an absolutely gorgeous summers day. I was spending precious time with my mum who was over visiting. We went into a charity shop on a treasure hunt. And that’s when I found my guide in the form of a book being given away free.
I walked out of the charity shop that day with treasure!
Much of what you read here is how my own story relates to the story in that book, The Sacred Romance written by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge.
Page after page literally told me where I had been, where I was and what I needed to do. I recognised the voice in this book.
What I experienced reading that book was utter joy! I mean such an intense happiness and release. Like a veil had been lifted.
I was free to leave off all religiousness and…
“…be greedy in my thirst and open the windows of my heart to the winds of free play.”
To let go of the do’s and dont’s and any other religious formula I had clung to and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me.
“The scared romance is not something to be managed but to be lived.”
Finally, I could just live. I was free. I am free. Free to be me….
…Free to believe in a WILD God Who wants to take me on adventures!
Yoga Mat Miracle
So yesterday, July 2nd, I went out to pick up items for my new devotional time. I wanted a yoga mat to use for times of meditation, prayer and speaking over my life affirmations and promises. I saw a few…some stunning ones too. But I was on a strict budget. I remember thinking, if only they had a minty green colour at a cheaper price then I may just be able to stretch for it.
As I walked away from the store I whispered to God, “Okay, I’ll wait for the yoga mat since there’s no hurry. I can get it next week.”
Later that morning, as I queue up to pay for goods elsewhere, something catches my eye…yoga mats, in one colour only, minty green, in the sale….only £2!!! My heart pounds! I pick one up with gratitude!!!
I whisper, “Thank you.”
The Adventure Has Begun
So I find myself in an adventure. I have in my hand directions. They say…
“…For many years the places in which you have been abiding in were fear, worry, doubt, regret, negativity and resentment. It is time to leave those places, abide now in me. I will show you how. I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
“…if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.” John 15
This is the journey of my heart…
Journey Of My Heart is a new series on my blog.
Thank you to Holley Gerth for the photo image.