Journey Of My Heart – Making Friends With Ourselves

I was answering a questionnaire in a book I’m currently reading and was pleasantly surprised with how far I have come these past few weeks in terms of a more positive lifestyle. Without realising it I had dealt with many reoccurring negative mindsets which had always held me back.

But then…

…this questionnaire raised one red flag. One question out of many revealed to me what I knew deep down was an issue.

I was not 100% at home in my body.

The question which raised the issue? How do you feel having your photo taken? The list of options to answer were;

E – Enjoyable

D – Don’t mind

U – Uncomfortable

T – Totally avoid

It was the only one where I answered T… Totally avoid.

I knew this had to be dealt with.

Body confidence is a vast subject today and I’m not about to go into all of that. However, what I do want to say is that I’m a firm believer that if we reject our bodies on a daily basis then we must be creating all kinds of illnesses and infirmities, not to mention limitations in our lives. What kind of signal are we sending our bodies when we tell it “I really don’t like you and wish you would change.”

I watched a fascinating talk the other day on how we are the only part of creation that is both earthly and spiritual. Both body and soul. We are walking junctions between two worlds. Yet we either spend time focused on one aspect of ourselves over another. Many focus on the physical only by way of keeping fit, eating right, dieting etc, but deny the spiritual aspects. This could be as simple as employing positive thinking, meditation etc. It doesn’t have to be anything to do with religion.

Then you have those who go to the other extreme. You find the very religious in this category. Those who regard the body as a hindrance or sinful. They disassociate with their bodies by way of fasting or inflicting pain.

But then there is the milder form. Yet it is no less dangerous than the more extreme forms I believe. And that is the daily rejection I practised.

As I became more and more aware of who I am, the more comfortable I was becoming in my own skin. Yet this one question totally caught me off guard in one area of my life. I was not comfortable with how I look. I was comfortable in my body in general but not with my looks. I was mortified. I set about to correct this madness. I saw who I am, a creation made in my Creators image no less, full of amazing attributes and creative potential. So now I had to associate the me-ness of me with the reflection I saw in the mirror.

The process I thought would be a long one. But it wasn’t. I mean I realise it’s something I must practice still until it becomes natural but, without trying to sound arrogant, I found it surprisingly easy. Maybe, and I believe this is the case, I had worked a long time at the foundation level. All the hard groundwork had been put in.

I began by realising the problem and accepting it was a problem. I then, very firmly, told myself this could in no way carry on. Taking a quiet moment for reflection I began to imagine I was having my photo taken. One incident came to mind. So I held that snapshot in my head and allowed the negative emotions to surface. I processed them and said that it would be the last time I would tolerate them. I say tolerate because this is a process and I have no doubt emotions like this will try to resurface.

I then continued to hold the image, I had once felt so uncomfortable with, in my mind I whispered affirming words to it. I told myself who I was. I spoke over myself all that I am. All that I’m filled with. I told myself I am loved. I then pictured it radiating out from me.

I ALLOWED MY LIGHT TO SHINE!

The next step is to practice this each time I look in the mirror and before I have my photo taken.

The blocks that this mindset held for me included the disinterest in face-timing and making YouTube videos which involves the camera on me. These are no longer acceptable blocks.

This morning, in reflection, I became overwhelmed with just how complex our bodies are, the absolute miracle that is creation. I thought about sub-atoms, string theory and how scientists are only discovering more and more mysteries they can’t explain. Such as one particle starts spinning one way and it’s counter part, which could be light years away, will start to spin that way too. I then sensed how I as I sat there I am as much a part of this miracle…I am that miracle. These particles make up my body. I saw myself as part of and connected to the vastness that is creation.

I then felt tremendously humbled and overwhelmingly grateful!

It then flowed into a prayer of gratitude. Then a belief that anything in this life is possible if we are connected to such a great God.

I hope this finds it way to someone who will benefit from what I have shared. I know I am not alone in this!

 

One thought on “Journey Of My Heart – Making Friends With Ourselves

  1. Thanks for this Geraldine it is thought provoking. My journey through life, I am soon to be 63, has been one of physical breakdowns, overcoming illnesses, striving, struggling and continues to be so and this is what I see in others around me on a daily basis. I have come to believe that it is the inner man that is important as this life is full of pain, disease and destruction, did not the Apostle Paul say that although we perish outwardly that inwardly in our spirit we are being renewed daily and that these bodies we live in are not forever. Jesus speaks a lot of not storing up for ourselves things of this earth where moths can eat away at it but things in heaven. I think too many people are striving for eternal life this side of eternity by storing things up on this earth and concentrating too much on making our earthly bodies fitter and healthier and acceptable. I am not saying we should not look after our bodies and aim to do the best with what we have been given. As I travel around my city by bus I see too many young women with false tans, false eyelashes, false nails and dazzling white teeth and immaculate makeup, perfect clothes, who think they need to be perfect outwardly to be accepted and loved but inside they feel unloved, vulnerable and insecure. We live in an era of selfies looking for that perfect outward image in ourselves and we can look for that perfect outward image in others and when we cant find it can reject society and real life where there is decay and disease and growing old and dying and when we strive for perfection we then struggle to accept what life is really all about a journey from birth to death.

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