My phone woke me at 6am this morning as it quietly vibrated on the table beside me. Honestly, that’s all I have to set it on to wake me. For a split second I deliberated with myself whether to practice the ‘S’ of my S.A.V.E.R.S (Silence/meditation) in bed, and then get up. It was justifiable. You see, we had no gas.
No gas means no heating or coffee.
This happens, you know, every time I pursue change. I step things up a gear and things get worse or don’t improve. Desperate for change I got out of bed but took that thought with me. As I sat downstairs to start my morning I knew self pity would take over if I didn’t do anything. Dealing with those emotions, I decided to wake up my husband and ask if he was able to get gas from somewhere at that time of morning. Thankfully he was happy to.
I was glad I kicked self pity’s butt and just asked.
As I sat in silence, did my affirmations and visualized, the question of why things always get worse or don’t improve kept re-surfacing. I took all these questions to God.
Then I proceeded to ‘R’, read.
Well, as usual God showed up as He does when I read a book I’ve been guided to.
The fact is I’m making progress. Incredible progress. And it’s all down to those moments of things getting worse or not improving. Of those times I see I’ve made progress in forgiving someone, only for a grievance to rear its ugly head and I’m held captive by my emotions. Each one of those moments is a lesson. And each time I experience it and learn from it I grow.
I know that soon, and I hope and pray with every fiber of my being it’s VERY soon, that things will start to change as I do. I see I’m making progress and changing, so it goes without saying so will my situation.
Grievances, Forgiveness, and Light
My Achilles heel has to be forgiving and taking offence. More so, not allowing my emotions to hold me captive. It’s like I get locked in a prison but I have the key in my pocket the whole time!
I have made massive progress in forgiveness. With the help of visualization techniques I’ve been able to not only forgive but to start seeing those who have hurt me differently, dare I say, even to love them for who they are… a fellow human being, an equal, a creation of God.
This forgiveness and seeing others differently is part of a shift in perception. What A Course In Miracles calls “a miracle”, what Eckhart Tolle calls “The Power Of Now”, and what Jesus calls “The Kingdom of God.”
But here’s where we do the growing. Someone hurts us. We must start putting into practice what we have learned, not only once, but over a lifetime!
And surprise surprise, I found myself holding a grievance from the other day. I wasn’t even thinking about it at all this morning but thankfully it came up in my reading in order that it could be dealt with.
And boy was it!
As soon as i changed my perception. As soon as I started to see light in them. To see them differently. Everything changed. Those negative emotions were gone. Like a fog they cleared to reveal beautiful blue skies. I felt amazing!
Previously I was in darkness. My grievances hid the light. I think that included the light of hope that things would soon change. Instead of thinking about the changes in my life I was desperate for, I was now enjoying the now. The moment itself was, I felt, all I needed. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.
I got excited again for the day regardless of my situation.
I know this is not a one time deal. Things will come again to test me. Ego will rear it’s ugly head, but I have the tools to deal with them.It’s recognizing when you need to use them. I didn’t realize I had a grievance. I should have but then I guess that could be down to my immaturity? I have a lot of growing to do!
Let me leave you with photos from my morning. This is my view. I’m grateful for it. I’m very blessed to have it where I live! Not many have this view. I see the sun set very clearly most of the year and capture it on film. But my dream is to move one day soon.