It’s a humid yet rainy Monday in June. I have just come out of a difficult and dark week. Yet, as I have now come to learn, it is in those dark times we discover something precious. Life transforming. A treasure.
This is the treasure I found.
To be unapologetically me.
Treasure Finds Me.
Two weeks ago, while out shopping with my youngest to get out of the house, I decided to pop into Waterstones for some new, uplifting reading material. I could feel myself slipping into a dark, depressing place and couldn’t understand why. I had been so positive, replacing negative thoughts with more positive ones. I had upped my game for goodness sake. So why was I feeling the way I did? It made no sense.
Heading straight for my usual section, my eyes immediately fell upon a book that may as well have leapt off the shelf and into my arms screaming “Buy me!” In fact, as I picked it up, something very unusual happened. I felt a surge of energy rush up my arms. Doing something against my set principles of book buying, I didn’t even bother to read the back cover or contents. In the core of my being I knew I had to read this book.
A Soul Shifting Experience
As I began to read this book, Soul Shift by Barbara DeAngelis, and the week go on, I felt myself slipping further down into a indescribable darkness. I couldn’t make any sense of it. Until I got to chapter seven, ‘Everything Counts’.
Ironically the author starts with describing one very wet and rainy week in July. Much like the week I was having. As I got further into the chapter something within me shifted. I literally felt it. From that shift, as I read on, things started to make sense.
The chapter begins with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi;
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
I had become conscious of my negative thoughts and taken action. I had also become conscious of my words and took action. But the doing…
The doing. Somewhere, as I was believing my breakthroughs were going to be just around the corner, I not only put off living how I wanted to live when I get the new house, get that financial breakthrough, but I also saw as clear as day that my fear of being my true self stopped me from fully being and therefore fully entering into doing.
Playing The Wrong Soundtrack
As it turned out, to please others, to stop myself from being ridiculed, rejected, and judged, I decided to hide parts of myself. That meant not blogging here for all the reasons I set up the blog. There it was, Not being = Not doing.
Hiding my spiritual journey from those I think will judge me. Not being = Not living out from my true self.
So I decided to play a different soundtrack to my life which wasn’t vibrationally matching up with who I am. Like playing dramatic music to a love scene in a movie which requires totally different music.
This led to a jarring. To being stuck. To blocking all good things I had prayed and believed for.
Guidance Is Always There
As you look out for guidance it is always there. In this case, I found guidance in many unexpected forms. They all showed me the way to start living out of my true self. Suddenly the darkness lifted, and peace started to flow into my life. I knew the steps I should take and bring everything into harmony.
Finally confirmation came in a line I read that said;
“He was just happy being true to himself.”
So now, I begin the brave steps of living my life true to who I am. Woven into being myself are my beliefs, dreams, desires, callings, etc. It is the very real threat of rejection, judgement and ridicule that prevents us from living out from our true selves. And therefore, from fulfilling our dreams and desires. We have a power, and that power is the power of choice.
I choose to live my best now. To prepare for greatness. To prepare for my breakthroughs. Not wait for them by being someone I’m not. Now I can truly build a solid foundation for all the good things that will now start to come into my life.